She’s so harsh. He’s so confident.
Double Standards of Communication in the Workplace.
(Even if you don’t have experience) leadership means speaking with confident authority (unless you are a woman).
After reading a recent article I found shockingly misguided “4 Phrases That Make You Sound Weak to Your Coworkers”, I turned to my trusted coping technique - humor - to process. I attempted to illuminate inherent biases surrounding leadership communication in the workplace in the satirical piece, “4 Phrases to Guarantee Your Coworkers Think You’re Soft” - hopefully inspiring learning through laughter. The unpalatable truth is that men and women still face glaring disparities in how their language is perceived. I was reminded again of the article when Adam M. Grant, renowned author, thought leader, and professor at the Wharton School, recently shared, “When a man speaks assertively, people trust him: he’s confident. When a woman does it, men dislike her: she’s a bitch.”
Why are women taught to adjust their communication to fit gender stereotypes? And, the flipside of the same coin, why aren’t assertive men encouraged to also learn a more collaborative communication style? And, why aren’t we all taught to tune in to the message, not only the words?
At the heart of this issue is a series of deeply ingrained stereotypes that we've allowed to shape our professional world for far too long. By accepting outdated communication advice, we are normalizing and perpetuating harmful biases. Moreover, they further the narrative that to be effective, one must conform to a specific communication style, usually molded by a dominant male perspective.
Since attending my first leadership course two decades ago, it is disheartening to see the advice being doled out to women hasn’t changed much. The unsettling assessment I received during that first course was that my personality type – deemed perfect for leadership in a man – could be considered "brash and ineffective" in a woman. While I was annoyed, I should have been outraged. I attempted to adapt my style in ways that were contrived. That was a few versions of me ago, and now I have many tools and voices in my arsenal; the one I use most often is the one that comes naturally.
To all of the researchers who have spent years helping us women shape and adjust our communications to the perfect Goldilocks porridge level of just right: please reframe your research. Though rooted in the desire to provide “a variety of communication techniques women can use to increase their career success,” old research is a product of its time. If we each worked on honing the leadership styles that come to us naturally, we would be far better off than teaching minority populations how to assimilate. We should encourage every individual to embrace their natural leadership style. Diversity in leadership and communication styles can only lead to richer, more innovative workplaces.
