How to Save Over 8k Wasted Hours: 4 Techniques That Took Me Too Long To Learn
Abe Lincoln would take up the pen anytime he needed to let out his emotional responses, famously called his Hot Letters. Those letters never got sent. They served as a way of creating an intentional pause. [https://www.psychologicalscience.org/news/the-lost-art-of-the-unsent-angry-letter.html]
We upped the ante by creating instant access technology moving from asynchronous (letters.. email…) to synchronous (phone… chat…), but the need to create space between emotion/response and action/behavior remains. My email software enabled a preference to Unsend or Edit an email for up to 60 seconds after you click Send. In chat messages, you can edit or recall a message.
All of these techniques to SLOW DOWN. However, like most tools, you have to know how to use them. Over two decades of professional experience - not even counting broader life experience - I could conservatively estimate that I have wasted ~8 hours per week on consuming, reacting, or overthinking without intention. Over the course of a year, that is over 400 hours. Over twenty years, it equals EIGHT THOUSAND hours. That equates to nearly FOUR years of work weeks.
So, let me help liberate you from some of the traps you are falling into without realizing it. You are allowing others to control your energy and time, which are finite resources. It took me way too long to figure some of these out, but wow does it feel good when you start trusting yourself to take back your own agency.
Controlled Consumption - I used to let emails, text messages and all other kinds of incoming information direct my emotions and attention all day long. It was almost like a compulsion or addiction, where if I knew there was an email waiting for me, or a piece of content that I needed to review, or even a topic I was interested in, I couldn't stop myself from abandoning whatever I was doing and placing my attention on it. Now, when an email comes in from someone or about something that I know I don’t have emotional or mental bandwidth to deal with at the moment, I don’t even open it.
I mentally put aside in my head some placeholder, “I will have time tomorrow to read this” or, “the next time that I know I will feel able, I will get to this.” Then the hard part - I don’t think about it again or let it stew or brew in my mind. It is a new superpower. It is not one I was born with; it is one that I have learned. It serves me in ways that many of the other tricks I’ve learned over the years do not (sorry, but eff off Zero Inbox propaganda).
Intentional Ignoring - Our insane work martyrdom culture makes it seem like everything requires a response and that response has to be as immediate as possible. Now I have learned that ignoring, or delaying, is an actual tool. It is not something that only happens by accident or negligence. Not everyone, in fact nearly no one, requires your immediate energy. Just because someone contacts me, does not mean I need to respond, now later or ever. Just because someone asks me a question, does not mean I need to answer that question. Use this technique to create boundaries. For example, if a colleague is calling you on a Sunday night for something non-urgent, that sounds like a Them problem not a You problem. Answer them Monday morning. Someone dear to me sent me the Adam Grant book “Give and Take” a few years ago, cautioning me that as a Giver I need to be more protective of myself. If you only ever hear from someone when they need something from you, maybe prioritize your response energy accordingly. If you delay a response to a question someone could/should be able to sort out themselves, maybe they will. I also promise you if you are early in your career, the number of people in your network only grows.
What can feel manageable at one point will grow to be unsustainable when you hit these ratios…
1:Some becomes
1:Many becomes
1:20-Years-of-People-I’ve-Met-As-Well-As-Many-I-Don’t-Know-At-AllFOMO to JOMO - I have never had a terrible case of Fear of Missing Out, but certainly everyone can recognize the tug when you get the sense that something is going on without you, or you can’t make it to an event others will be at. A meeting you aren’t in, a trip you can’t take, making an inconvenient and overcompensated effort to attend something no one but you cares if you are at (your kid will never be in another end of year kindergarten concert, but I assure you there will be loads of conferences to attend). There is an art to getting comfortable with the fact that you do not need to be everywhere with everyone at all times in order to feel fulfilled, to participate, to have a sense of belonging, or to be informed. Don’t be led by fear, be led by joy. Maybe accelerated by the coziness side effects of the pandemic, but shifting to the Joy of Missing Out feels easier than ever. I’ll take staying home in sweats while others are in uncomfortable clothes having uncomfortable conversations, or getting some focused work done while others are in a contentious meeting - hey, just let me know how it goes. I like to soothe any hints of FOMO by reminding myself that what is for you, will not pass you. The world of opportunities are infinite. Save that hustle energy for when it is warranted, rather than letting it leak out a little at a time on low ROI activities or making sacrifices you’ll resent later.
Presence > Authority - The craftiest energy thief I see is the one that makes you feel like you need to be an expert on everything all the time. Guess what? You aren’t. No one is. Rather than shuffling for an answer when you are uncomfortable, out of your depth, or simply do not know the information, it is far more important to be present. Instill confidence in your ability to get the answer or pull in the appropriate expertise. When someone is pressing you, or a conversation takes a turn you didn’t expect, scrambling sucks you into imposter syndrome energy and paradoxically usually makes things worse. Releasing the automatic defensive or offensive posture you take to protect yourself from this false fear of expectation can only come after you accept the realization that it is perfectly OK not to have all of the answers. It is even okay not to have the answer for something that maybe you ought to have the answer for. Everyone recognizes that humans are humans and you can be a human too. With absolute presence, and the complete confidence your answer is reasonable, say you don’t know, say you’ll find out, say you’re not the best person to ask. And then most importantly FEEL that is true inside. Use your energy to navigate the real issues and real outcomes, not to jockey for authority. Here is the truth - none of us know what we are doing! Intentions and effort, that’s what we control.
Claim your own agency over how you spend your time. The more you practice, the easier it gets. I hope you fill those 8k hours of saved time and energy with awesome fun work. Or bubble baths.
Anyone have any other hot tips they would give their younger selves to secure those precious finite resources?
